He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
