ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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