we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
