He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
