Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
