so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
