I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
