3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
