I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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