hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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