Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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