Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
