i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
