I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
