he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
