i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
