you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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