evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
