Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
