I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
