I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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