so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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