The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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