He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
