Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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