no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
