This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
