Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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