Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
