buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize