are you still at the devil's house?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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