oh god the rape fog is back!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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