She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
