Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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