And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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