question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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