You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
