Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
