dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
