You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
