ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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