she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize