is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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