If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
