The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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