We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
