I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
