I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
