Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
