Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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