i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
