I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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