i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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