My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
