bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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