i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize