Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
