He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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