it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
