Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
