Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
