really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
