You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
