I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize