Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
