I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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