the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
