Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've blown a few things in my day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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