Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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