I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
