When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
