You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
