I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
