Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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