Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was born a porn star she said
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
